God must be trying to tell me to slow down and enjoy His creation more. I've found myself meditating on it a lot recently. Everywhere I turn I'm being smacked in the face with beauty. It's wonderful and yet makes me feel small. It's fall and everything is just so stinkin' pretty right now. The weather is fantastic and I love just enjoying the change of seasons. The colors, the fall breeze, the clear skies. As I pause though, it is hard for me to comprehend that the Creator of the universe, who set stars and planets in place, scheduled the tides, and sculpted the mountains- also has me in mind. All. The. Time. He tells me in scripture that He does. That is exceedingly sobering to me. I am grateful but feel so unworthy.
Because I AM unworthy. Totally and completely unworthy.
It's one thing to talk about, it's another to daily live with this truth. It hurts my pride. It slams against my selfish ambitions. My human self-worth tries to argue against it; and I wrestle against it's veracity in my life. Part of me is ashamed to be counted in His family, the other part of me tries to ridiculously convince myself that, of course, I'm not that bad, I'm pretty awesome actually, why would God not want to hang with me?
But then these crazy verses slip across my path and my heart has to reconcile what I know my rightful place is before God with what He tells me I mean to Him. What a weird juxtaposition of locations- where I should be and where He's placed me instead.
It's not fair. To Him especially. But how much do I LOVE that God is not fair! He's not fair ever!
He has chosen to love me and cherish me. He's chosen me to be His firstfruits- rotted parts, smushy pieces, worms and all. Not exactly the ideal picture of the kind of firstfruits He's instructed us to bring to Him (thank God!)- and yet He tells us we are His. In all His creation I am still on His mind and He wants to be near to me. It's simply mind-boggling. It makes no sense for so many reasons. It's not fair... But I love that also! I love that so much of this world makes no sense- the good, the bad, and the ugly- and I really love that I don't have to worry about it. God's got it. He's got me, unworthiness (is that even a word?!) and all.
And speaking of crazy stuff... He tells us to simply ask and He'll let us in on some of His GodStuff... talk about unfair- we have been placed in the most unfair yet insider position there is!
Right. Next. To. God.
We've got His ear, we've got His attention, we have access to His heart. Wow, do you see the possibilities there? Do you feel the importance of what that can mean? Do you feel the power at our fingertips that God wants us to tap into... His power, His insight, His knowledge, His plans. It's an unbelievable thing.
Today I challenge you to seek Him harder. I challenge you to realize and meditate on the position you SHOULD BE in before God and the position He's PLACED you in. It's unfair and it's wonderful!